New Toy

Her excitement overcame her as soon as she woke up! She had the house to herself all morning and couldn't wait to try it. She hoped to use it at least 3 times before her girlfriend got home. Sarah doesn't like it when she uses them too much. She had just bought her newest one yesterday, shamelessly walking to the checkout. The kid behind the counter was kind of gross, with his two day old hair and shoddy heavy metal t-shirt, hanging like it had been there since he last showered. The same guy was there last week when she was buying another one.

"I see you like the ones that buzz," he had quipped, looking at her with a half smile.

'Shut up,' she remembered thinking, 'you don't know me well enough to comment on what I buy!' But she hadn't said anything, she had just smiled a brilliant smile, paid the kid, and left.

She jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. She had left it under the mirror last night before she went to sleep. As she grabbed the end of it with her left hand, turning it on and off a couple times to make sure it was working, she started the faucet with her right. Smiling in the mirror, she reached for the paste and spread it on her brand new toy without looking. She turned it on as she raised it to her face, sighing as if a great load lifted from her shoulders at that very moment. She loved the first brush with a brand new toothbrush.

Jehovah's Witness

My wife told me I was sick after I read this to her, but I chuckled anyway.

The Jehovah’s Witnesses just showed up.  One of them is pretty hot and I’d love to help her find…I mean I’d love for her to help me find God but I don’t think that is part of the evangelical process.  Too bad, there might be more Jehovah’s Witnesses running around if they adjusted their recruiting tactics.  I can see the slogan, “Sleep with you?  Yes, because together we can find Jesus.”  The evening news would open with, “Tonight on NBC Nightly News, Jehovah’s Witnesses has become the fastest growing religion in recorded history among males, 18 – 78 years old.”  

Inspiration

There is no inspiration in a screw.  Perhaps you felt inspired in the heat of the moment, the peak of the mountain, before you came back down the other side.  A momentary vision of bliss, spread before you as far as you can see.  The next moment the questions start.  Was it worth it?  Was it that good?  Did it mean anything?  When will it happen again?  Shrinkage sets in.  You can hear the slide whistle in the background, your own personal soundtrack moving you through the moments.  Indeed, a screw is just a screw, when you don't turn it.  You need tension, you need torque, you neeed to infuse your will upon that screw, make it move, bring the right tools to that screw, winding meaning through the wood.  There is no inspiration in a screw, when statically standing at attention.